The "No Jerks" Policy: Why Kindness is My New Barrier to Entry

I think the biggest change in me over the last year is a simple, firm decision: I have stopped working with people who are not kind.

It sounds obvious, right? But in professional circles—especially in the arts—we often make excuses for "difficult" people because they are talented or "the best" at what they do. I’m here to tell you that the trade-off isn't worth it. When you filter for kindness, things run smoother, you get more accomplished, and the weight of the world is greatly decreased.

The "Best Plumber" Fallacy

Early in my career, I volunteered to host a visiting guitarist. He was, to put it bluntly, awful to everyone. After an outreach trip to a local church, he demanded he be paid "top dollar" on the spot—even though he had already been paid his full fee!

When I confronted him about his behavior, he didn't blink. He said:

"When the toilet is backed up, you hire the best plumber no matter what. You're getting the best, and I expect to be paid like the best."

I looked at him and said, "You know... there are lots of good plumbers. More than that, I wouldn't expect to play in Oklahoma ever again." To my knowledge, he hasn’t.

Choosing the Rainbows

There are so many talented, kind, and generous artists out there who actually deserve our time and our financial support. I no longer have the energy to waste on those who don't. When we clear out the noise of ego and entitlement, we make room for the people who actually lift us up.

Whenever I prepare to take the stage now—whether to perform, to teach, or to lead—I try to carry the spirit of Maya Angelou’s philosophy with me:

"One of the things I do when I step up on the stage, when I stand up to translate, when I go to teach my classes, when I go to direct a movie—I bring everyone who has ever been kind to me. Black, white, Asian, Native American, gay, straight—everybody. I say, 'Come with me, we are going on the stage. I need you now.'They all did, you see, so I don’t ever feel I have no help. I’ve had rainbows in my clouds, and the thing to do, it seems to me, is to prepare yourself so that you can be a rainbow in somebody else’s cloud. Somebody who may not look like you, may not call God the same name you call God—if they call God at all. They may not eat the same dishes or dance your dances, but be a blessing to somebody."

That’s what I think.